Monday, August 14, 2006

Golf Club of Lebanon


To the foreign members of the Golf Club of Lebanon, who have been evacuated back to their respective countries, the Wizard of Beirut is pleased to report that the golf course at Ouzai, in the southern suburb of Beirut, is in prime condition. It has not been targeted, so far, by the Israeli aviation. The greens and tees are regularly mowed, and the course is watered in sufficient quantities to maintain the green colour of the course. It is a pity that the current American and French Ambassadors do not play golf. We could have arranged an interesting and exciting match between them. In any event, Mustafa the pro and Ali Hammoud the champion, are both there and they would be delighted to introduce both Ambassadors into the intricacies of that obsessive sport.

An amusing anecdote, which bears recounting, took place on 6th June 1982, the date of the previous Israeli invasion of Lebanon. I was playing a round with the newly arrived Italian Ambassador. Arriving on the ninth green, the Ambassador was furthest from the hole and as he was about to putt, a flight of five Israeli phantoms flew overhead, at such a low altitude that we could see the heads of the pilots. The Ambassador turned green and froze over his putt. I told him that under the rules, he was not allowed to leave the green before finishing his putt. For our part we were used to flights of phantoms over the course to bomb the Palestinian refugee camps in the vicinity of the Club. Visibly shaken, but noblesse oblige, the Ambassador returned to his putt, when a second and a third flight of phantoms passed overhead. That was the beginning of the Israeli invasion of Lebanon in 1982.

Nothing has changed since then. Flights of phantoms and bombers, by courtesy of the American Government, have been, for the past month, razing south and north Lebanon and the outskirts of Beirut to the ground. So what is new? We know that Bush plays golf, but we do not know whether Blair does. In any event, they are both cordially invited to play a round at the Beirut Golf Club. Bush can ensure that no flights of phantoms will disturb their play. For our part we can promise that Hezbollah combatants will not shoot them down nor take them as distinguished hostages, to be displayed at the Beirut National Museum as examples of homo sapiens of the stone age.

6 comments:

Ali said...

Wizard,
Are you a member of the club? I am. I have been a member since i was six and you have just shocked me with your picture behind the 18th green. I miss the club i haven't seen it in the longest time.

ThinkingMan said...

why give them any ideas? if they do it, we'll know who to blame. i've only played once there, but would like to play many more.

Anonymous said...

Excellent and witty article. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

I have look through the rule book and have not found anything that says a F-16 can't be used as a Driver, nor do the rule say you can't use a M1 Abrahms as a golf cart.

Iman Suharto said...

Thank you for your information about "Golf Club of Lebanon". Bag Boy Golf Cart

Anonymous said...

That's odd, I am surprised that we didn't meet as I was also playing golf with Franco Oliteri at the Golf Club du Liban on that fateful day in June 1982 and he certainly had not just arrived in Beirut.Neither did we bother to complete the whole, acting a hero was not the way to survive in Beirut in those days, and we following the local rule, if your caddy runs for cover, follow him!